A gal I know was quite confused...

Came to me...good thing too,

To clarify a burning Xena issue.

She couldn't perceive the difference...

'Tween the Kiwi and the Warrior Princess

"That," I said, "I'm can explain to you."

Lucy isn't Xena... or so I told her...

For one thing Lucy's younger... Xena's older

Xena wears those hair extensions...

leather, armor, not to mention...

Quite a range of lethal accessories.

She can kill a man at 50 paces...

with glare alone... One of those maces

A frying pan, a sword, or dead fishies.

Lucy on the other hand,

wears lipsticks, jeans, a wedding band

Her weapon is her humor, she's a scream.

Couldn't hit a Barn at arms length distance

(with a hand-grenade she misses),

Coordination's really not her scene.

Xena's Bard is her companion...

chatty blonde with nice dimensions,

She's noisy but she makes good company.

Lucy prefers ambitious chaps,

a handsome bloke who makes her laugh

(Though he was born and raised a dern Yankee).

Lucy's tastes run toward the finer...

Ponies, cars, and good designer

Dresses for those Hollywood premieres.

She likes her jeans and T-shirts too,

good sandals, barefoot, tennis shoes,

A roasted lamb shank, frosty mug of beer.

Xena likes things a bit rougher...

Horses, bed roles... Makes her tougher

For those battles on the journeys path.

She rarely changes out of armor...

except to swim...when gets warmer,

Or sometimes when she wants to share a bath.

Lucy's got more spit and polish...

Mercedez Benz... A bigger wallet,

And a hefty credit limit too.

Xena's stoic, always has been...

has Gabrielle ... The horse she's ridden',

And a major case of attitude.

So you see they are quite different...

I said to her...the only stickler,

The one and only point that can confuse,

Is both the Princess and the Kiwi...

obsess a bit...bout catching fishies,

But Lucy does it in Givenchy shoes.