DISCLAIMER: Angst ridden piece following Friend in Need
Subtext but sex between Gabrielle/man
Feedback welcome! Xequinn75@yahoo.ca
"Oh Gods!" she yelled out repeatedly, an accompanying mantra in response to his relentless pounding between her legs. His lips tugged and suckled at her breast while his strong hands held her hips suspended off the bed. Her legs were wound tightly around his waist, locking them together.
Her body was on fire, it had been so long since she let herself get carried away like this, casually, no strings attached. But desperate times called for desperate measures, and she was as desperate as they came. She simply didn’t care anymore. There would never be anyone to touch her heart again like she did. So whoever wanted her, got her.
He released her nipple as he began to pump faster. "Ah!" she screamed out, his lips blazing a trail up her neck where he paused to bite her just behind her ear.
She moaned loud and long through clenched teeth. Her painfully erect nipples brushed intermittently by his chest as he moved in her, causing goosebumps to rise all over her body as she shivered with the sensations. She was constantly amazed that she, a once-shy village girl, could separate emotion from the act of sex, and allow her body to respond to the touch of another.
She was close, every fiber of her being was charged, thrumming, begging for release. Her hands reached up to grasp the poles of the headboard while she alternated relaxing and tightening her stomach muscles willing herself over the edge.
She threw her head back and screamed out her release as her body shuddered and quivered.
His pounding had slowed in reverence to her ecstasy, but as she stilled and quieted he began again in earnest to reach the pinnacle himself.
Luckily she didn’t have to endure his relentless rhythm much longer as he slammed into her, sending his seed spurting into her womb. Damn, she was going to be sore in the morning!
He continued to stroke her side and breasts, his lips and tongue laving her neck as his breathing slowed and his softening limb fell out of her.
‘It’s over’, she thought, suddenly anxious to be alone…to have him off her.
He must have sensed the shift in her mood because he sighed deeply and rolled off her. She turned her back to him, pulling her knees up to her chest in a fetal position and slowly began to rock, willing herself not to cry.
He sat up in the bed and looked at her, uncertain of what course of action to take. Hesitantly, he reached out to tenderly stoke her hair.
She jerked away and softly stated, "Please leave."
He looked at her again and stood shaking his head, as he got ready to comply with her wishes.
He had sensed that her passion had nothing to do with him; they were strangers after all, that she was dealing with something that he couldn’t help her with. He would leave. " Will you be alright?" he asked despite himself.
A nod, her only response, he gathered his things and left. Glancing back over his shoulder to watch the petite figure curled in a ball on the bed.
At the sound of the door closing, she let loose the sob that had threatened to choke her.
This great loneliness that tore at her soul was becoming more than she could bear. Her cries tore at her throat. Her helplessness and feelings of frustration railed in her screams. She had nothing left. She had no one else. She wanted no one else.
As betrayed as she felt at being left alone, she couldn’t bring herself to direct any hatred to her betrayer.
Xena!
She is, was, and will always be, her best friend and greatest love. In her, she found the home that she had searched for and will always remain.
Those loving thoughts brought her out of her self-pitying. She got out of bed, cleaned the remnants of the man off her and reached into her saddlebags for the urn that held the remains of her love. She clutched it to her breast, tears silently coursing down her cheeks. "Xena" the name fell from her lips as she drifted off to sleep imagining being held in the strong tender embrace of her lover
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"I’m here, Gabrielle!" Xena hoarsely replied as she watched her soul mate’s torment.
This was it. This was her curse, her punishment.
She was irrevocably linked to Gabrielle in every way. Even her death could not sever the tie.
She got to watch helplessly as her lover drank herself into the ground, watch her get fucked by anyone that struck her fancy and got to watch her cry herself to sleep for doing it.
This was what she was reduced to. Xena Warrior Watcher!
She was always there, she couldn’t leave Gabrielle’s side even if she wanted to, but she couldn’t let her know she was there either.
As she had promised ‘Even in Death I’ll never leave you" only, Gabrielle didn’t know, couldn’t feel her presence and thus, felt abandoned.
But, wasn’t that the very nature of death? Leaving behind all earthly concerns, drifting off into a realm of nothingness. It didn’t matter if death came by fate, or by choice or by obligation.
And that was it. Xena chose to die out of some twisted obligation. Leaving behind her only love. And not by choice, breaking her promise, at least in Gabrielle’s eyes, to stay with her forever.
They were given a rare opportunity to interact with each other at Xena died, but abruptly one day as they were talking, Gabrielle watched Xena vanish before her eyes.
"Xena!" she called, "where did you go?"
"What?!" Xena replied, "Gabrielle, that’s not funny!" she scolded and continued what she had been saying.
"Xena!!" Gabrielle stood up and shouted frantically.
"Gabrielle?" Xena finally caught a clue "I’m right here! Can’t you see me?" she stood as well and waved her hands in her friend’s face.
That was the last time Gabrielle had seen or heard her.
Three long years ago.
But Xena, she got to endure the silence of no responses to her questions, of seeing Gabrielle near danger and not being able to warn her or help her. Not able to touch her or feel her touch.
She gave up so much for redemption.
Now, as she sat, her knees tight to her chest, watching her love vow never to love again, she realized how worthless her sacrifice was. Everything she lived for, all that she’d learnt from Gabrielle, was for nothing.
A waste.
Their vow of love was now a curse.
Full of despair, she wailed, long and hard into the night.