It's about 11:30 in the morning. I'm lying in bed, grasping the sheets in my hands while I clench my thighs together and sweat dots my forehead. I've had another dream - another very erotic dream. I think there may be a sixteen-year-old boy taking over my body. This is bad. I've never been affected by another person like this. I mean, sure I have my fantasies and things that get me all hot and bothered, but this is different. This feeling is new and the intensity of it is a notch above what I thought myself capable of. And this is just the wet dreams. What happens when it's reality?
Groaning, I roll over and bury my head in the pillow. Perhaps I'll just stay in bed today. Grrr. No, I said I would call and I will... eventually. I'll just shower first so I can put it off for another 20 minutes.
Showered, dressed, and now to call. I twirl the business card in my fingers; it says, "Anna Russell. – Consultant," with some numbers. On the back is a local number with a room number below it.
'Call, Carmen, call. Call, Carmen, call,' the evil voice in my head chants. It just wants to get laid. Bad inner voice. Bad.
Okay, just make the call. She'll either be there or she won't, no big deal. The worst that can happen is that she'll realize her mistake and not want to see me. I hate that. Everyone says, "Go talk to her, Carmen. What's the worst that could happen, that she'll say 'no, thank you'?" Well, in my book rejection is pretty damn bad. Let's say you're at the bar and you see this hot woman across the room. Your mind wanders and you wonder could this if this could be the night you finally get lucky. Better yet, it could be more than just sex. She could be the one – the mythical eternal soulmate, the one who will complete you. Then you build up these expectations; even though you shouldn't, you do it anyways. So by the time you make it over to talk to her, she ends up looking at you like you're something on the bottom of her shoe. She pretends to be flattered but tells you 'no, thank you.' Then she'll want to know if the tall brunette sitting with you is available because it always ends up being about Jen.
I notice that this mental tangent has taken up a good five minutes. Go me.
Finally I pick up the phone and dial. It rings at the front desk and I ask for Room 612. I wait, wondering if I should just be proud I made it this far and hang up. As I'm getting ready to freak out on myself, a woman answers before I can finish my follow through and hang up.
"Hello?"
The voice is not Anna's. There's a strange woman, who is not Anna, answering the phone.
"Hello?"
"Um. Yes. Is Ms. Russell in?"
"No, Anna's out at the moment. May I take a message?"
"Uh, sure. Could you tell her that Carmen Webster called?"
"Of course, she's been expecting your call. I'll let her know when she gets in. Does she have your number?"
I give it to her and we both go on our way.
Well, at least she was expecting my call. I wonder who the woman is that answered the phone? What if it's her girlfriend? What if this is some sort of kinky game they play luring innocent women into their clutches so they can do evil nasty things? Really, what do I know about this woman? Nothing. Well, that's not quite true; I know she's hot and she makes my libido do the happy dance. I will admit I'm a firm believer in that lust, love, and or whatever at first sight is bad. It prevents you from asking the important questions like, 'Is she an ax murderer?'
Crap, now what do I do with my day? Do I sit around wasting my afternoon waiting for a call that may or may not come? Ugh. Rob is poking me in the back of the head in a rather annoying fashion.
"Hey, geek. Why are you staring at the phone?"
"I'm staring cause 'cause I called a girl."
"A girl. A girl. Did you hear that, Sue? Our little girl is growing up so fast."
I shove him. Smartass.
"You go, Carmen. Was it that hottie you were dancing with at the bar?"
"Yes, it was the hottie I was dancing with."
"Oh man, she was stacked."
"Pig." I shove Rob again, only harder.
Sue turns from where she's looking at the mail and glares at Rob. "She was, was she?"
"Uh, did I... what I meant to say, um."
"You're sleeping on the couch." Sue winks my way to let me know she's not really all that upset before she storms off. Rob stares at me, then at in the direction that Sue stormed off.
"Guess it's time to run down to the store for whipped topping?"
"Guess so," he replies while stroking his goatee.
When Rob pisses Sue off, making up requires whipped topping. I really don't want to go into detail why I know this. Let's just say I came home early and have never been able to burn the memory out of my head.
Rob goes off in search of his wallet and I go off in search of something to do. I wander outside and find Ed coloring with chalk on the driveway.
"Hey."
"Hey."
I look down and see he's got the outline of a human form.
"Cool."
"Yep. I'm making me a Sistine Chapel, only with all chicks."
"You just want to draw boobies."
"Yep." He hands me some chalk and then goes back to work drawing God or now the well-endowed Goddess.
We watch in amusement as Rob runs out of the house.
"There goes a man on a mission."
"Whipped topping?"
"Uh huh."
"Hmmm?"
"You got a point, Ed. I should go grab my shoes and wallet before they really start going."
"Uh huh."
I run inside and then return to our feminized version of the Sistine Chapel on the driveway. As we work away in different colored chalk, we see Rob rush back, brown paper bag in hand. It only took him 14-minutes this time; he's been working out.
Ed and I continue to work, wrapped up in making the Goddess and Eve when until Sue comes outside wrapped in a sheet.
"Carmen, come get the damn phone and make it quick."
Shit! Anna! I totally forgot.
Dutifully I run into the house. "Hello."
"Carmen?"
Oh my goodness, what her voice does to me. I am yet again a puddle of naughty thoughts.
"Hey," I respond, being ever the witty one.
"I'm sorry if I called at a bad time. I hope your roommates aren't to too upset with me."
"What? Oh that, don't worry about it. They've moved on to other things already." And they have. I can hear Rob's high-pitched wheeze. Ewww. 'Happy place. Happy place. I'm going to my happy place.'
"Good. So you called me."
"Yep. Said I would." Fuck. It's become awkward. "Uh, so, would you like to get together and do something?" Go, Carmen. That was so lame.
"Doing... something sounds like it has possibilities. What did you have in mind?"
Oh, oh, oh my God. Her voice has dropped down to a sexy purr and the sex fairies are doing the lust samba in my pants. Of course, it doesn't help that somewhere in the house Sue and Rob are having sex close to a vent. "I was thinking that maybe we could go for a hike and have a picnic, or something."
My suggestion is met with silence. "Or we could do something else." Stupid. Stupid. What if she hates the outdoors?
"No, that sounds sweet."
"Really? I mean great. I'll pick you up in like an hour."
"Sounds like a plan."
"Cool."
A rhythmic pounding has begun and I can only feel sorry for whatever piece of furniture is being used. I can feel my face turning red as I dial Kevin. "Kev, I need a favor."
- - - - - - - - -- -
I pull into the gravel and dirt parking area of Thompson's Grotto. Luckily I only see one other car parked up here, which means it's all ours. Even with spring almost here it's still cold in the mountains; the grotto is a little warmer and never gets any snow. In another two months this place will be crawling with overnight campers on the weekends and underage kids having parties. I like the grotto; there are some nice trails to hike or bike on, and up a little ways past the parking area are some campsites. Nothing fancy, just some cleared dirt and some rocks setup in a ring for campfires.
I glance over at Anna. The 25-minute ride up has been really quiet. All I learned about her was that asking about her family was off limits, and that she was a consultant. However, what or whom she consults remains a mystery. Oh, and she's in my fair city on business, and whatever that business is, is no business of mine.
She does, however, look really good in jeans and a dark blue sweater, but this doesn't make up for the fact that has she's been acting like a jerk ever since I picked her up.
"Well, we're here."
"It's charming." The way she says it implies the opposite.
My shoulders slump a little. This is one of my favorite places. I grumble to myself as I get out of Kevin's Jeep. As she gets out I can hear her boots crunch on the gravel.
"Would you like to walk around? Or if you're hungry, there's some tables over there we can eat at." Seeing the bored expression on her face, I deflate a little more. I'm such a dork. I can't even take someone out on a date right. "Look, you don't have to humor me. If you don't want to be here, just let me know and I'll take you back."
"What? No. It's great."
"No, it's not. You think it sucks. Just get back in the Jeep and I'll take you back." For some reason I'm really worked up and I can feel tears in my eyes. I just wanted a chance to get the girl for once. I might not be as suave, or attractive, or financially well off as Jen, Ashley, or my sister, but fuck, I'm an all right person. I have a big heart and, fuck it... why won't the key work in the door? My eyes burn and I blink rapidly to keep the tears from falling. There are hands touching me, rubbing up and down on my arms. Her voice tickles in my ear.
"Carmen. Carmen. Hey, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I was acting all distant. Really, this is great."
Stopping my frantic stabbing of the key towards the lock, I look at her, noticing her sheepish expression. "Are you sure? Because I really don't want to make you do something you don't want to."
"No, this is fine. Really." She smiles and it's a genuine smile, not her predatory sexy smile. It makes her look young and I can't help but smile back.
"Okay then. Come on, there's a great trail over here. Just let me know if you get hungry. I brought a bunch of food and stuff."
She laughs as I pull her along to the trailhead.
"You're so cute. Almost like a little kid at Christmas."
I blush and duck my head. Hmmm... not quite the effect I was going for, but I am feeling kind of hyper at the moment. I have this great buzz going through my body and I feel fantastic. How's that for an emotional roller coaster? I was about ready to burst in to into tears minutes ago and now I'm on top of the world.
As we hike along the trail, I point out various things to her and make her stop so she can take in the view. Way down below you can see my fair hometown; it looks so tiny and unimportant. As we hike and talk, I find myself moving beyond the lust stage that she has invoked in me into a scary murky area. I knew it. I knew I was incapable of keeping sex and love separate. Damn me! And we haven't even got to the sex part.
Anna seems more relaxed and I find this part of her even more beautiful and desirable than her predatory sex goddess persona.
"You must not be a big outdoors person," I state as she laughs at the antics of two squirrels.
"Well, living in New York City doesn't leave one with much appreciation of nature. I'd have to say I'm more of a city girl, but spending time with you out here is really nice.
"Thanks." I'm blushing again.
"You're so cute." She laughs and gives me a hug.
My brain's going into overload. I go with the moment. Maybe it's because of the erotic dreams I've been having about her, but I'm really aware of her breasts and how they feel all smooshed up against my body. I'm channeling that damn 16-year-old boy again. She steps back and I instantly miss her body. She has this strange expression on her face and I realize that she hasn't really moved all that far away. Is she going to kiss me? Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe... Oh, the tension. I'm afraid she'll kiss me and I'm afraid she won't. Finally, even though it's probably only been 10 seconds, I ask, "are you okay? You have a weird expression on your face."
"It's nothing. You're just so sweet."
"This is bad, how?" I'm feeling kind of defensive about this whole sweet thing.
"It's not, Carmen. It's wonderful."
Then she does kiss me. This takes me by surprise because I was under the impression that the moment had passed.
Her kiss is like a disease. It quickly infects my body and senses. My legs give out, knocking us both to the ground. Reality rocks! This is so much better than any dream. I want to touch her; so far I haven't been very proactive about this whole kissing thing. My arm feels heavy, but I get it to move and I submerge my hand in her hair. It's wonderfully soft. I sink my hand in deep through her hair to the back of her neck. I stroke her neck, her shoulders, and move on to her back. I rub small circles there. Finally, after several civilizations have come and gone and eternity has fled, it ends.
I just lie there, not caring in the least little bit that the damp grass is soaking through my jeans. I just lie there with my eyes closed and a silly grin on my face, smelling the scent of lilacs. I can feel her hovering over me, and softly, like the breeze created by butterfly wings, I feel her finger touch my lips. She traces them and moves on to my jaw, up my cheek to my eyebrows.
"Carmen, was that okay? I mean, I wasn't planning on attacking you."
My grin just gets larger. "That was fabulous. Oh my God. I didn't know that a kiss could be that good."
Opening my eyes I see her blushing face, but her eyes, ... her eyes make me gulp. Such an innocent face with the eyes of a devil. A hand traces lines on my stomach and hip.
"You liked the first one. Maybe we should find out if it was a fluke?"
The words slink into my brain on velvet feet, which starts a dangerous chain reaction beginning with the sex fairies having a rave in my southern anatomy. My eyes snap open and I'm looking into her blue eyes. She's so close. This could be dangerous. I'm not sure I could survive another kiss. But what the hell, all those sex fairies in my pants couldn't be wrong.
There's a trick to open-mouth kissing. We're not talking gaping open-fish-mouths here. Not open enough to really want to get your tongue involved but not closed. No, not closed, uptight, 'I'm too fucking in control to loosen up' kisses. Just nice wet open mouth kissing, but there's a trick to it. I haven't got a clue what this trick is, but Anna does. It creates a simmer under my skin. She never speeds up; she sometimes slows down her kisses, making one linger longer than another. What really impresses me is the lack of drool; having you your mouth open for an extended period of time causes drool. Oh, you want a little bit of moisture or you don't get nice wet open mouth kisses.
She needs to have more of her body draped over mine. The sex fairies are unhappy about the lack of pelvic grinding area going on. Because if she would just swing that leg over and nestle it in between mine, it would give me something, oh so lovely to arch my body into. She is being such a tease. I can feel my breathing start to hitch a bit as her hand starts to do some lazy touching below the belt. My body feels like the Amazon, all hot and moist and teaming with life. I just want to grab her body and...
"Oh my God, are you all right!"
What the hell was that? Wait! Where are Anna's lips going? I'm seriously unhappy here and I think the sex fairies are building their own Death Star.
I blink, trying to find my way back to the here and now and out of my lust-induced reality. Anna is looking away and there's another person here. Oh, for the love of...
"Are you two okay?" The same voice repeats again.
"I was until you..." Anna stops my rather sexually frustrated comeback.
"We're fine. Why would you think otherwise?"
"Well, she's passed out on the ground and you're administering CPR."
"CPR! Oh for..." I can't tell if I'm pissed off or amazed at his stupidity.
Anna beats me too to it.
"She's fine. We're fine. But you did rather rudely interrupt our make-out session."
"What? Oh... I'm so sorry; I didn't realize. Oh my God, you're both dy, ... lesb, ... women."
"Yes, now why don't you file this away for some male masturbatory fantasy to use later, but please go now."
Nice. Anna just verbally kicked his ass all over the wilderness. Speaking of asses, my mine is rather cold and damp.
Anna just looks at me. "He's gone." She pauses. "The moment's gone too, isn't it?"
I sigh and nod. Stupid guy.
Grrr. My butt is all wet, and not in a good way mind you. I wouldn't mind so much if the only other person up here hadn't interrupted the smoochies. I mean, what are the chances of him coming across us making out? There are dozens of trails and he just has to use the one we're on. Of course I think we scared him as bad as he scared us. I glance at Anna out of the corner of my eye and I catch her doing the same to me. We just look at each other and bust up laughing.
Mmmm. Spontaneous kissage.
"You are so cute. I wasn't sure who was going to have the heart attack first, you or him."
I try glaring at her, but I'm too happy. My face muscles won't conform to the scowl I want to level her way. "It wasn't funny at all. He blundered into a perfectly good make-out session. And now all I have to show for it is a wet butt." I'm pouting.
She pulls me to her and nips my pouting lip, which makes me pout more. I thought we might be having more spontaneous kissage.
"So is your butt the only thing that's wet?"
I blush. She's such a naughty little vixen, but I love it. Maybe I should have 'Anna's love rhino' tattooed on my butt. "Hmmm.... maybe."
She raises an eyebrow at my response. Yeah, color me surprised by my snappy somewhat-sexual comeback as well.
"Maybe?"
Whoops, somebody is much better at the sexual foreplay game than me.
Mmmmm. Hands in new places. I honestly can't remember the last time somebody grabbed my ass. Well, I guess she isn't so much grabbing it as fondling it.
"Maybe it's a secret."
"Guess I'll just have to search around and see what I find."
"I guess so." Okay, for the record, that was the sex fairies talking.
Mmmmm. Okay, hands are not in new places; my hands go there all the time. However, it's much better when her hands go there. There are advantages to having baggy jeans on. All she really had to do was get my belt undone and she could slip her hand right in. I swear to God if that stupid guy bumbles in on onto us again... "Oh sweet Jesus." Can I just mention again how much reality rocks?
"Yep, definitely wet."
I can't believe she just stopped and pulled her hand away. For crying out loud, me and that hand were becoming best buds.
"Wet and oh so yummy."
She is so trying to kill me with sexual frustration. She slides two fingers into her mouth and starts sucking them in a very erotic manner. Fine. I debate whether or not to just throw her on the ground and ravage her. I'm almost shocked by my thoughts; they seem far more assertive than the thoughts I normally have. Then again I haven't had sex in like 2 years. Ah, Nikki Watson. I had to jump out a window when her hubby came home so it's no wonder my sex drive went on a long vacation.
I push away from her and re-buckle my belt. My brown eyes met meet her blue ones. "You suck," I say, as I start off again down the trail.
She laughs, "You have no idea how good I suck."
Grrr. Down, sex fairies, down.
- - - - - - - -- - -
"Where's that trail go?"
"It goes to the local high school party spot. The kids come up here and to camp and drink. They get to feel like they're getting away with something, but everybody knows what they're doing."
"Really? Did you come up here and get wild?"
I cough and look away. "Sometimes. Peer pressure and all that."
"I bet you were cute with your long curly hair and all dressed up."
"Ah..." I just look at her. That's kind of creepy; that's exactly what I looked like. I wasn't always the tough bull dyke you see today. Okay, the words 'tough' and 'bull dyke' are stretching the truth a bit even now. However, in junior high and high school I was a real girl. I had long hair that I curled and I wore dresses almost all the time. In my defense I was two and a half years younger than everybody else. I was also scared most of the time, 'cause other than my intellect, I didn't really fit in. So I let my mother dictate what I was for a long time; it was nice to have someone in control of my life because so much of my life seemed out of control.
"That's freaky."
"What?" She blinks her blue eyes at me.
"That's pretty much me until my junior year. I was a big old geek."
"What happened your junior year?"
What didn't happen? My mind sheers sharply right to avoid thinking about anything from high school.
"I dunno. I think I just went unto into my teenage rebellion years."
"Did you wear a lot of black and listen to the Cure?"
"Uh, well, more like the Sex Pistols and The Ramones."
"I bet you were a cute punk rock girl."
"Actually I was an angry, confused child. If it hadn't been for my friends..." I may seriously dislike Jen, Ashley, and my sister on occasion, but they were there for me when I need needed them, even if I didn't realize that I needed anybody. Of course, in a way I got into that place because of them.
"Hey, where did you go?"
"Uh, just remembering high school and wishing I wasn't." Okay, I think I just killed off all the sex fairies in my pants.
"I understand that."
"What? The sex fairies?"
She's looking at me very oddly. Oh shit! I said that out loud. "Man, am I starving! Why don't we go back down to the car and have a picnic?"
I start off down the trail, looking back to see if she's following, because I don't really want to see her face.
"So tell me about the sex fairies. Do they visit you often?"
My cheeks are turning pink. If she only knew how many visits I'd been getting from the sex fairies since I met her.
- - - - --
"Um, could you not do that?"
"Do what?"
Her innocent blue eyes look at into mine. Trust me; what she was doing seconds ago was not that innocent. It was very indecent, verging on obscene.
"You know what you were doing."
"I was just sitting here eating my banana."
She was going down on her banana for crying out loud. I'll never be able to look at the fruit the same way again.
"There's another one. Do you want it?"
"Not really."
"Your loss. You know what bananas are good for, right?"
"They help prevent muscles from cramping."
"And..."
"I give. What else?"
"Boosting sex drive."
I'm so dead. Anna is going to kill me.
"So I'm dying to know."
She's got this evil look in her eye; I'm almost afraid to rise to the bait.
"Know what?"
"Did you ever come up here with anyone and make-out make out?"
"Not really. I was bumped up two grades so I was younger than everybody else. Who wants to make-out make out with a kid?"
"Not even once?"
I squirm, uncomfortable with the question. Truth was I came up here once; I didn't know it was to make-out, but it happened. It kept happening till until Jen and Olivia caught us. My memories don't go any farther; there's a black hole where they should be. I get a sense that something bad happened but I can't remember.
"Are you okay? You don't have to answer me if you don't want to."
"There was a person. They were 15 and I was 13. Jen caught us and it was over."
"Lucky guy."
"Not really."
"What happened to him?"
"It wasn't a him."
"Whoa! At 13 you knew you were gay?"
"No, I didn't. Can we talk about something else?"
I must have snapped at her; she's looking at me oddly. A headache begins to pound on at the back of my skull. I can vaguely remember what she looked like. She had blonde hair, blue eyes that remind me of Anna's, and braces. I remember not really wanting to kiss her but not really able to say no either.
"You don't look so good. Maybe we should go back."
"Yeah. Sorry, I'm just getting a headache."
"Hmmm, not quite the effect I was hoping for tonight."
"I have to work tonight but you're welcome to come by The Closet and hang out. Maybe we could go grab a cup of coffee after I get done."
"Only if you grab it with me back at my hotel room."
Okay, Carmen, be brave. For once in your life go for something you want. You want her, the sex fairies want her, and she even wants you. See? It's a win-win situation for all involved.
"I, well, um..."
"You're so cute. I'm not sure I've seen a person blush as much as you." She comes forward and I don't have the good sense to back away. Her arms encircle my body, drawing us closer, and I imagine myself to be a moth. I am drawn to her fire even though I know it could be deadly. Her lips capture mine, and being the traitors that they are, they give up without a fight. We kiss until somehow she entices my lips to open and encourages my tongue to come out and play with hers.
Our tongues play hide and seek in each other's mouth until her lips trap my tongue and suck on it. A gentle suction, but it's one of those things that sets my brain on fire; the sex fairies are doing the hokey-pokey and ringing roses around my clit.
I push her away. "Stop now, please."
"I'm sorry; I thought. ..."
"Oh no. Trust me, you thought right. I just... I just freak out on myself a lot when things get too intense."
God. What the hell am I doing? Things were going so well and then I had to go and remind her of what a dork I am.
"It's okay. I really want this, but I want it at a pace you're comfortable with."
I look up at her sheepishly.
"Honest."
"Okay." I decide to be brave and give her a quick kiss on the lips.
"Come on. Let's get me back so you can get ready for work."
I follow her back to the car, slightly surprised that she remembers the way. "You're a quick study."
She glances back with a saucy wink. "You have no idea."
You put one sex fairy in, you put one sex fairy out, you put one sex fairy in and you shake it all about. You do the hokey-pokey and you turn yourself around and that's what it's all about.
- - - - - - -
The Jeep is idling outside her hotel. "So this is your stop."
"Yes, it is."
"So I'll see you later?" It comes out as a desperate question.
"Oh yeah, we have a date later."
"Good."
I'm staring at her and she's staring at me; the air is all expectant and heavy. Should I lean over and kiss her? Should I just wait and see what she does? Screw it. I'm going in.
"Carmen..."
Hold that thought. "Yeah?"
"I really am beginning to like you."
"Uh... okay." That wasn't what I was expecting.
"But you should know I'm here on business. I'm not staying."
Well fine. Just go and burst my balloon. I can feel myself deflate at her words.
"But I thought I should be upfront about this whole thing."
She does look really upset. I should say something. Gah, come on, brain, work.
"You don't have to say anything."
"No. Anna. I know that you're not staying, but I like you too. So let's just have fun with this until you have to go and then we'll see. Okay?" I am such a liar. This crap from the person who was going to have 'Anna's love rhino' tattooed on their ass. Sure, I can do non-threatening fuck buddy. Grrr... I am such a loser. When I do manage to find a girl, she's not even from this state.
"Okay, I just thought we should be honest before this went any farther."
"I appreciate that." Mmmmmm, ... more spontaneous kissage in front of the hotel. What were we talking about? Right – love rhino. Screw later, I'm going up now for more kisses, maybe followed by naughty touching.
Suddenly the car lurches forward. For the love of... I look over to see if Anna is okay, and then I get out. Just in time to see a large man getting out of jacked-up truck. Looking at the back of the Jeep, I see that the two vehicles are kissing bumpers.
"Jesus," I mumble.
"You got a problem?" The large man growls.
Do I have a problem? You bet your pumped-up ass I have a problem. However, when I say it out loud it comes out more like, "No." I'm no superhero, and it won't do me any good to get bent out of shape.
"Where the hell did you learn how to drive, meathead? Not only did you hit my friend's car, you managed to hit a parked car. It wasn't even a moving target."
I'm utterly amazed as Anna verbally grinds the man under her boot, and, I have to admit, a little turned on. Apparently I like assertive women. This guy is seriously about ready to kiss the ground she walks on.
Stunned she hands me his insurance and registration information. "So, later tonight. You're mine. Right?"
I just nod. I'm so hers tonight.
- - - - - - -- - - -
"What happened to my baby?"
I roll my eyes. Kevin has this sixth-sense about his Jeep. Some gay men get hyped up about clothing and decorating; Kev has his Jeep.
"Some over-pumped muscle-head rear ended me. You can barely even see where they kissed bumpers."
"Barely see? Barely see?" His voice rises and cracks in distress. "It looks like a fucking crater on the moon. It's huge."
Oh for... he's on his knees spitting at the faint crease in the bumper and trying to buff it out with his shirt. "Kev, come on now. They have professionals for that."
"This is the last time I let you borrow my Jeep."
"Jeez, Kev, its it's just one little scratch. Could you overreact more?"
He looks at me then flings himself on the ground, failing his limbs, screaming that I wounded his baby. Okay, I was wrong; he could overreact more.
He gets up with a grin. "How was that?"
"The academy called. Your award is ready."
"I knew I missed my calling."
"What is your calling exactly?"
"Spoiled rich gay boy."
"Oh, so you're gay this week?"
"I think so. I've gone the whole month without going to church or the confessional."
"Good gay boy." I pat his head. "Any reason for this religious sabbatical?"
"Oh yeah. Sex with girls is alright but it can't compare to a man's mouth wrapped around my..."
I cut him off. "Stop. Just stop that sentence before it goes to too far."
He grins and says, "Cock."
"Oh my God, you just had to go there. I didn't need to know that. I mean, happy dance that you had sex and all, but now I need disinfectant for my brain."
He continues to grin at me.
"Ewww. It was Jeff, wasn't it?"
His grin just gets bigger. "He's like a vacuum."
"Let me repeat. – ewww. Like that imagery was remotely sexy. Do you frequently get friendly with your cleaning appliances?"
"Blah Blah blah. You're just torqued 'cause I got some and you didn't."
"Well, I'm getting some tonight. So there." Yes, I do follow this really childish reaction by sticking my tongue out at him.
"This would explain why your butt is all wet."
"Come here, Kev. I feel the need to beat you up." He takes off running and I follow quickly after him. At least he's forgotten about the scratch on his bumper.
I pull my waterlogged body out of Kevin's pool. I almost had him. I think that elementary school incident where I beat him up affected his self-image. The boy started running and lifting weights after that. Of course he never grew to be over 5'7" either. I think Kev's estranged father may have died and willed him a bunch of money, but as far as I know, Kevin doesn't have a job that pays for the kind of life he has. He's a personal trainer at the local gym. Not the kind of job that pays for a nice two-bedroom home with a pool and hot tub.
"Looks like I got you way wetter than Ms. Russell did."
I spit water at him. "Not everything has to have a sexual connotation."
"Hey, you're the sick person who took it as a sexual reference."
Lying on the nice soft marble that surrounds the pool, I look up at the darkening sky. "Kev, she's not staying. She's just here on business."
He throws me a towel. "So it sounds like the perfect relationship to get you back in the dating saddle. No fuss, no muss. Just exchange some fluid and go your separate ways."
"Kevin, you realize you really have no room to be coaching me on the ins and outs of sex and dating."
"Yeah, but I thought I should be a good friend and try."
With a laugh I get up. "Yeah, and I love you for trying."
He gives me a hug and leads me into the house. "Too bad we can't both be straight. It would have solved a lot of our problems."
I smile but don't say anything. He says that a lot. Sometimes I think he really wishes it were true, but I can't imagine being any other way.