Hope you'll like this one ;)
For disclaimers see chapter one...
Chapter eight
For disclaimers, see chapter one…
Danny took a deep breath and tried to relax as she lay there on top of Emily, head on her chest. Part of her really just wanted to get away from there and run. Run away from everything. From Emily. From her own feelings. Her whole body and mind screamed for it. She didn't want to lie there, talking about what had been. About her past.
She made herself stay put, though. Because she had promised Emily she wouldn't run. But it was so hard, because she was well aware of the fact that not everything was in the past. Just the opposite. Most of it was very much in the present. It was just a matter of time. Probably even more so now than before she had begun her mission.
She had brought it on herself, sure, but then she couldn't have cared less. Now, though, it was a totally different story. For some odd, inexplicable reason, she now had something she cared about. Someone she cared about. It made everything she had planned to do so much more difficult. She just wished that she could leave it be. That she wouldn't have to do it, but as always, she had no choice.
Danny found it so extremely hard to talk about her past. She really didn't even want to think about it and certainly not tell the story of her fucked up life to someone she cared about.
Danny had a hard time admitting that to herself. That she cared about Emily. It wasn't because it would be strange in any way, considering what a perfect woman she was, but because she knew how wrong it was. She had no place caring for someone like that and even less doing something about it.
As always when she thought about Emily or when she was close to her, she felt inadequate. In every way. Now was certainly no exception. No matter what she would do or what she would say, it would never be enough. Now, Emily knew more about who she was than Danny had ever wanted to reveal. But there was no turning back now.
She wasn't finished with her story, but she lay there, in between Emily's legs, waiting for the inevitable to happen just from the part of it she had already told her. Danny was sure that any moment now, Emily would get up from the couch, put her clothes back on, and leave. Now that she knew what kind of person Danny was. What kind of person she really was.
She waited for what must have been minutes, just listening to the other woman breathe.
What she had expected never came. Instead, she felt Emily slowly begin running her hands through her dark hair. Slowly, caressing her scalp. God, it felt good. She swallowed hard, trying to get rid of the lump in her throat. How could she want to stay? Why the hell didn't she just want to go? Get as far away from there as she could? Hadn't she heard what Danny had told her?
“Who was he?”
Danny almost moaned from the reassuring, continuous massage of her scalp. She just wished she could stay like that forever. Lying there in Emily's arms. That they could stay like that forever. That the reality really wasn't what it was. God, how she wished for that.
She would have done anything to make that happen, but once again, there was nothing she could do. Her fate had been decided long ago.
She took another deep breath as she spoke the name she hated most of all out loud for the first time in years. The name of the man who had caused her life to change its direction in a way she would have done anything to be able to go back in time to change.
“Giovanni Marino. The only son of the mafia boss Giuseppe Marino. The only heir of his self-proclaimed empire”.
The name had been the talk of the streets for a long time after that. Who had killed Giovanni Marino? Who could have pulled something like that off?
She shook her head as she felt t he hatred well up inside of her as so many times before. Then, she'd had the demon to help her get everything out of her system, but she couldn't let it control her now. Not with Emily around. So she willed it, forced it, to stay put. It almost took all the strength she had. She shook her head once again and turned her head to look at Emily for the first time since she started telling her story. Danny didn't know what she had expected to find, but definitely not the look of complete love and understanding she received. The woman must be out of her mind.
“Why aren't you afraid of me Emily?”
It was strange, really. Why wasn't she? Danny had hardly given her any reason not to be. The massaging of her scalp became a little bit firmer, but it never stopped.
“Should I be?”
Emily looked into dark blue, concerned eyes. She had experienced a whole spectrum of feelings since the night she met Danny, but fear had hardly ever been one of them. She had been afraid, yes, every single minute since that day, but that was for Danny, not of her.
She had watched the dark haired woman's every expression as she had told her story. She had seen all of the displayed emotions clearly. Anger. Hatred. Sorrow. Regret.
Her heart ached for the young girl who'd had to grow up so fast. Whose life had been taken away from her like that. At least the life she could have had if things had been different. Emily still didn't know what Danny had done or where she had gone during the five years when there had been no records of anything connected to her, but she intended to find out. Whatever it was. She suspected, though, that it wouldn't be good.
She saw the look in Danny's eyes soften a little as she moved up, closer to her.
“I don't know, Em. I would never intentionally do anything to hurt you, I hope you know that. But, I don't trust myself. I don't trust what's inside of me. Who's inside of me”.
It was the truth. Danny knew what the demon could do. What she had done. What it was capable of when she couldn't control it.
“It doesn't matter, I trust you, Danny. I trust what you tell me.”
Emily reached out to caress a sweat cheek. God, she was so beautiful. Why did everything have to be this way? So difficult. She loved Danny so much, it hurt. There were so many things she needed to find out about her, but the one thing that she had thought about every waken second, the one thing that really mattered to her, was the question she had dreaded to ask more than anything.
“Did you kill your wife and son, Danny?”
Emily watched the woman she loved so much as she asked the question she had wanted to ask ever since she came, but not having had the opportunity, or the courage to ask.
“It is my fault they are dead, Emily”.
Emily took hold of Danny's face as she tried to turn her head away from her, her expression having changed instantly. The pain was so obvious you could almost touch it.
“I know that's how you see it, baby, that that's how it is for you. But did you shoot them? Did you pull the trigger? Baby?”
Emily could see how hard this was for Danny. She could feel the tension in her lover's body, as if she just wanted to flee. But she made her stay put. She wouldn't look back at her, though.
“I might as well have.”
Because Danny could just as well have. Pulled the trigger. Everything was her fault just as much as if she had actually pulled the trigger herself.
“Danny…”
Emily was of tired of this. She knew that was the way Danny's mind worked, but this couldn't go on. She would put a stop to it, one way or another.
“Baby…”
“No….” came the whispered response. “No, I didn't pull the trigger”.
Emily leaned forward slightly, kissing Danny softly on the cheek. The relief she felt was almost overwhelming. She even felt guilty about feeling that way. That part of her had, maybe not thought that she had killed her own family, but not fully trusted that Danny wouldn't have done something like that. She had been afraid that her heart had fooled her. That she overlooked things about Danny simply because she didn't want them to be true. She kissed Danny again, this time on the lips.
“Why did the police suspect you, Danny? How could anyone have thought you could kill your own wife? Your son? That makes no sense.”
Danny shook her head. Everything had been so messed up. So complicated.
“Because of the alleged motive, Emily. That's why”.
She remembered it as if had been yesterday.
That day, Sam had come to see Danny at work, pissed off at her as she always seemed to be at that point in time. She was always angry at her. Disappointed. About this and that. Over the fact that Danny worked so much. Too much. That she didn't take as much responsibility for their family as Sam did. That she was hardly ever home.
She'd had a point, of course. Danny did work much. She was hardly ever home, except for at the weekends, always staying at the Manhattan apartment during the weeks. That was what it was like having your own company. Danny had always thought that Sam understood that. Her work, her company, that's where all their fucking money came from.
This day, though, Danny had promised to pick Danny Jr. up from soccer practice after work. She had promised she would get home from work earlier and definitely in time to pick her son up. As always, though, those plans had changed. Not because she wanted them to, but because there was nothing she could have done about it. So, she had texted Sam after lunch, asking her to pick him up instead. Hence, the visit from her angry as fuck wife late that afternoon.
Sam had made all the usual accusations. Told her the usual not so nice nick names. Then, in the middle of it all she had simply let it slip that she had been seeing someone else. Well, had been fucking someone else; those had been her exact words. Fucking someone who, at least, was interested in her. Found her attractive. Not like Danny, who was more married to her fucking business than to her own wife.
She had stood there, screaming these things right at Danny's face. So, Danny had slipped. She had lost her control. She had hit her. And because her office has glass walls, almost her whole staff had seen her do it. They had probably heard everything they had said too. Not that Danny had said a word. She hadn't known what to say. Or even what to think.
She had never expected to be told that. She had thought they were beyond things like that. At least, she was. Always had been.
Danny still hadn't said a single word as Sam told her she would bring Danny Jr. with her and go to her parents for a while. She could see the anger in Sam's face. The, not hatred, but dislike. The hurt. She just turned around, without another word and walked out the door.
That was the last time Danny saw her wife alive. When she came home later that night, even later than usual because she didn't think anyone would be there, she found Sam shot to death in their bed. She was lying on her stomach as always when she slept. She had probably never seen what was coming. Danny tried to do something for her, but there was nothing she could do. At that point, she would have done anything. Forgiven Sam for everything, if she just wouldn't leave her. But, it was too late.
She found Danny Jr. in his own room, lying curled up in his bed as if he was just sleeping. The sight could have fooled anyone if it wasn't for the blood, all the blood, staining the Spiderman sheets and the light blue wall behind the bed. He had been shot in the head as well as in the chest. Multiple times.
Danny turned her six year old sons body over. His skin was pale and his lips blue. He was already cold. Danny knew that there was nothing she could do. He was already gone.
That's when she knew that her past had finally caught up on her. That's when she broke down.
“Oh, my God, baby, I'm so sorry…”
Emily held Danny close in her arms as she felt her love break down once again as she tried to explain what no words could ever explain. How she had tried to make Danny Jr. wake up. Tried to force him to wake up. How she had performed CPR on his lifeless body, even shaken him to make him open his eyes. Anything. But it had been of no use. He wouldn't wake up. No matter what she did, he wouldn't wake up.
Danny had sat like that for hours, with her son in her arms, just holding him, before finally calling the police. She had wanted as much time with him as possible before they took him away. Away from her. She had loved him more than anything else in this world, more than life itself, and now he was gone. She would never see him again. His blue eyes. His smile.
Emily didn't say anything more, she just held Danny, as close and hard as she could. There was nothing she could say. Certainly not the standard phrase of “I know how you feel”, because she didn't. Most people didn't. Most people hadn't experienced something even remotely close to what Danny had.
They lay like that for what must have been hours; Danny crying until she had no more tears left and Emily simply holding her, caressing her back, her hair, her face to try to make her calm down. There wasn't much else she could do. She just tried to show the other woman
how she felt. That she understood. That she loved her.
After a long time had passed Danny finally raised herself up on her arms, kissing Emily on the cheek before getting off the couch. She felt as if she couldn't breathe. She needed air.
“Where are you going, Danny?”
For a moment, Emily was afraid that Danny would try to run again. Maybe not in the physical sense, but emotionally. That she would shut down again. Shut her out.
She saw the contours of the dark haired woman's gorgeous body as she went to the windows, opening them. She could feel the cool air entering the still hot room, sweeping over her heated body. She shivered. A long time passed before Danny finally spoke. Her voice was harsh, broken.
“I'm so sorry for everything and I know I have no place telling you this, Emily, cause you deserve so much more. So much more than someone like me. But, I want you to know. In case something happens to me, I want you to know that I love you too”.
Danny was looked out at the star filled sky. There must have been millions of them and the silver moon was full. It was beautiful. Looking at it like that, it was hard to comprehend that the world could be such a vicious place.
Emily didn't even try to suppress the tears that started falling down her face. She had wanted to hear those words for a long time, but when Danny finally spoke them out loud, in that context, the fear crept up on her again. Everything felt so ominous when she said it like that.
She tried to swallow away the lump in her throat as she got up from the couch and silently walked the few yards to join the other woman by the window, embracing her from behind. She rested her cheek on Danny's back, closing her eyes. The feeling of Danny's strong back usually made her feel safe, but not as much right then.
“Please, don't say it like that, Danny. Please”.
Emily took hold of Danny's tear streaked face as she turned her around, to face her.
“Look at me, baby”.
Danny didn't comply at first but gave in after a few moments, opening her eyes. She almost regretted speaking her feelings out loud. So much responsibility came from it. And that was a responsibility she wasn't sure she could handle. She just didn't want to leave Emily without knowing. Without knowing that what they'd had really meant to her. That it wasn't just physical. Far from it.
“What I do or don't deserve is up to me, Danny. I'm a grown woman. I can decide for myself what is or isn't good enough for me. And I want you ”.
Emily kissed Danny's wet lips to make her see that she meant it. She meant every word.
She kissed her again and again, savouring the warmth of the other woman. Her closeness. She never wanted to give it up.
She moaned despite herself as Danny lifted her up to an even more intimate position with a firm grip on her butt. She put her legs around Danny's waist, bringing her even closer. Their still sweaty bodies were now as close, almost as close, as two bodies can be.
“Do you know how much you make me want you, Emily? I want you every fucking second of every day I'm with you. I haven't felt like this in a very long time. I'm not even sure I ever have”.
Danny brought Emily impossible closer to her by pressing on her ass slightly. Emily complied without as much as a thought. She bent forward, kissing Danny's lips again. She tasted so good. Emily grabbed hold of Danny's dark hair as she let her tongue follow the contours of her lips, making the other woman moan. She was allowed entrance almost immediately.
“What about Sam, baby”, she had to ask in between heated kisses. “She was a very beautiful woman”.
Danny smiled slightly against Emily's lips.
“Yes, she was, but so are you. So are you, Emily”.
They were still kissing as Danny walked them back to the couch, sitting down with Emily in her lap, facing her. Once again, she couldn't resist her. Resist her body. No matter what situation they were in, that always seemed to be the case.
“Emily, you know that I really meant what I said before? That I love you?”
Emily nodded as she gave Danny another deep kiss. Yes, she knew. She had known even before Danny had told her. There had been lots of things she hadn't been sure about, but whether or not Danny felt that way was not a question for her any more.
“Emily, I…”
Emily put her hand over Danny's mouth, smiling teasingly towards her. She could see the expression of her face clearly in the pale moonlight which was now surrounding them. The uncertainty.
“Baby, hush…”
Another kiss as Emily took Danny's right hand in her own, placing it between her legs. She lowered herself onto it slowly.
“Right now I need you to touch me, baby, not talk…”
Danny simply smiled back. No more talking? More touching? Sure, she could do that.
This time, their lovemaking was slow. Passionate. Intense. But slow. Torturously so for Danny who was almost losing her mind as Emily insisted on being the one in control this time. Total control. She was still on her knees in Danny's lap, moving herself sensually against Danny's hand. Slowly, back and forth, then back again. Every time Danny tried to increase the pace of her movements, she stopped. It was plain and simple torture. She thought she would come from just watching the blonde sitting on top of her. Moving her sexy body the way she did. From the expression on her face. The content smile on her lips. From the rhythmic movements of her perfect breasts only inches away. She desperately wanted to lean forward, to take a hard, pink nipple in her mouth. Reach out and caress them. Hold them in her hands. Anything.
Then there were the sounds. The wet sounds of sex. The sounds Emily made as she went about what she was doing. The increased breathing, which after a while turned into panting. Then moaning. Then these short little screams. All of that had her almost go insane. Because she knew that she wasn't allowed to do anything. Not now. So she didn't dare.
Danny closed her eyes and leaned back against the soft fabric of the couch. She was almost on the verge. She was so close. Her own body was without any form of physical stimulation, but yet she knew that she was standing at the abyss and she knew that just one more thought, one more look from Emily would throw her over the edge.
She couldn't watch it. Couldn't watch her any more. She had to do anything to try to hang on. She had to last just a little bit longer. She just prayed that she would be given permission to do something soon. To move. To actively touch. To help. Otherwise, she wasn't going to be responsible for her own actions. Not like this.
Emily watched Danny as she leaned back slightly. I pleased her that she could make Danny become like this. That she could make her submit to her. It was a battle of wills, really. A battle she had initiated, but knew she would lose. She could see Danny struggling with
herself. To make herself stay put and not move. The truth was, though, that Emily wanted her to. Just watching the other woman, her beautiful face. Her sexy lips as she bit them to keep quiet. Those full, moist lips. The hard chest and abdomen in front of her, highlighted by the pale moonlight, flexing with every subtle movement Danny couldn't suppress.
Emily would never say it, but she hoped that Danny would give in. And that that would be soon.
She lowered herself down further onto Danny's hand, giving out a long moan as her thumb came into even closer contact with her center. God, it felt so damn good. If only Danny would…
That was it for Danny. She couldn't take it any longer. Fuck it. She leaned forward, pressing her own chest into Emily's as she entered her, deeply. She had met no resistance. There had been no friction whatsoever. It was as if her fingers had been sucked into Emily's core.
Keeping her hand still, she looked into Emily's green eyes. They were full of what could only be mischief.
“The teasing stops here, Emily”.
Danny moved her hand a little. Deeper.
“I know you like it when I do this. When I'm inside you. When I f … ”
She only received a moan as a response, then Emily's mouth was all over her. Apparently this whole taking it slow thing had been as hard for Emily as it had been for Danny. She just smiled and put her left arm around Emily's back as the blonde leaned her weight against it.
She started moving her hand again. Determinedly.
Two deep, forceful strokes were all it took and then Emily was lost. Her body convulsed, trembled, shook, for what felt like minutes. Afterwards, she couldn't remember if she had screamed, but she must have. It had been that intense. That mind-blowing.
Danny removed her fingers and pressed herself hard into Emily, meeting her movements. It was all she had to do after watching Emily come. After hearing her come. It was all she needed to fall over the edge herself. Danny had never come so hard. So fast.
She leaned back against the couch again, bringing Emily with her. She was totally exhausted. Satisfied, but exhausted.
She put her arms around the still panting Emily, pulling her closer to her. Nothing had ever felt as good.
They lay like that, in each other's arms for a long time, no one saying a thing.
After a long time had passed, Emily finally moved. As always with Danny, she was amazed about how different everything felt. How right. She sat up a little, watching the dark haired woman. Emily smiled as she silently kissed Danny's moist cheek. She was asleep. Poor baby .
She lay her sleeping lover down on her side on the coach and went to get a blanket for them, then lay down behind Danny with her arm around her waist. She tried to swallow down the sobs that suddenly welled up in her throat as she buried her face in Danny's hair. What were they going to do now? Danny had said that she loved her, but what did it mean? What did it mean in terms of the future? Their future. She had no idea.
That man, that family, had destroyed Danny's life more than once. Emily had to go back to her son, her job, her own, so called life the next day. That was a fact. There was nothing she could do about that. But what would happen with them? With her and Danny? How was she supposed to leave all of this now? And what would Danny do if she left? Continue on where she left off? Emily knew that that would get Danny killed. No doubt.
Emily lay there, for hours, thinking about what she should do. What she could do.
Eventually, she fell asleep, her arm still around Danny. She still had no idea.
***
When they finally woke up, morning had long passed. After taking a shower together, they decided to go and get some breakfast, since Danny had no food whatsoever in her house. Then, they were going to talk about what do. Where to go from there. That was what Emily had decided. What she had ordered. They needed to make some decisions. For all their sakes. They couldn't go on like this. Not even Danny had objected.
Danny closed the front door and entered the code into the security system as they stepped onto the porch, then put her arm around Emily's waist. For once, she felt calm. Strangely so. They took a few steps onto the stone laid path, towards Emily's car which she had parked by the road outside Danny's house.
Emily never saw it coming. Nor had she any time to react. She just heard a shot being fired, then another. Then she felt herself fall helplessly as Danny forcefully pushed her away, her shoulder hurting like hell from the fall as she hit the ground. After that everything happened as if in slow motion.
She saw herself as from watching everything from the outside. It was like an out of body experience, just like she had seen on TV, but never really believed in before. She saw herself lying there on the cold, hard ground, with Danny's body heavy on top of her. She tried to get up, tried to make Danny move, but it was too hard. She didn't even answer. Emily tried to move once again, but it didn't work. That's when she realized what had happened. And at that point, professionalism was long gone. She put her fingers at Danny's wrist, to see if there was a pulse, but she felt nothing. Nor did her lover breathe. In the corner of her eye, she saw the black BMW drive away, its tyres screaming from the acceleration as the car drove away, but she hardly even remembered it afterwards. All she could think about was that she had finally found someone she loved. With Danny, she had felt as if she was one half of a whole. And now, after all they'd gone through, she was gone.
Then, she heard herself scream.
To be continued in chapter Nine
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